Thursday, August 27, 2015

Really personal news.

OK so I am using the blog mostly to discuss raising a developmentally delayed son and some nerdy things. But I wanted to share some news about me.

I have written in passing that my husband is losing his job in the fall. I found a new job and started on August 10th. I felt fine my first week of work and then on August 15 I went to my cousin's wife's baby shower. I felt a little bloaty so I wore a body shaper under my dress. Brunch was served and I ate two plates because it was the best food I ever ate. I also peed twice in two hours. I came home and I felt like I was going to vomit everything I ever ate in my life. Sunday I also felt really sick.  For the next five days everyday after lunch I felt like I was dying. I almost asked my boss if I could go home early Friday afternoon because I wanted to vomit and then lay down and sleep for about ten years.  On a whim I asked my husband if he could pick me up a pregnancy test.

Not sure how visible the result is but for the fourth time since 2011 I am pregnant. I had a miscarriage January 2012, and another January 2015.  I am not prepared for this at all. Did I mention I just started a job? Like just started not even four weeks ago?

I cannot even enjoy this pregnancy. I am living in terror that I will miscarry again. The last miscarriage, I had the baby at home. I cannot handle that again.

I wanted to keep this a secret from my job, but sure enough my boss asked me first thing Monday morning if I was pregnant. I almost started crying. She assured me I would not be fired. The good news is I work for a hospital so if I need to run and have labs done, it won't really interfere with the  work day that much.

I don't work in the hospital but in a business office across the street. I was able to meet today with a midwife who works in the suite over from where I work.  She confirmed I am 4 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I had a C-section with my son and she stated the hospital does not offer VBACs at this time but she in campaigning to have them offered. Given that news, I do not know if I will stay with her for the next eight months because I don't really want another C-section if it can be avoided.  I have an ultrasound September 8 to check size and viability.

I haven't told really anyone yet so to those of you who know me in real life, guess what? I didn't want to announce it this way, but I think maybe blogging through this journey, even if it involves the good the bad and the ugly might be therapeutic for me.

I really wanted another child, and I was hoping to foster ( but that didn't really pan out the way I wanted.  I wanted to have another child but I don't want to experience the heartache of losing another baby.

I am a carrier for cystic fibrosis, my husband is not so no cf babies, and that increases chances of miscarriage while lowering fertility. I am hoping this baby sticks. So far no complications. I have had normal morning sickness and my belly really popped. Like I look about four months pregnant. That concerns me, but not the midwife as of today.

I had GD with my son so I am going to have the test early.

Hoping for a healthy baby in about eight or so months.........