Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Today's NaBloPoMo topic.....If you're not working the job you listed yesterday, how do you feel when you look back on your old goal? If you are, what would you go back and tell your younger self?

     I am most definitely not working at the job I listed yesterday.  Right now, I am staying at home with my developmentally delayed son and trying to make sure he makes all his therapy appointments.  The goal when I started this venture was to get a night job. Unfortunately, the night job I got was as a CNA and I injured my back pretty bad.  Then a "friend" offered me a work from home job on the provision I taught myself HTML, CSS, Java basics, and PHP. Well, I did, but he never reviewed my work, and then decided to stop talking to me and when I asked what was going on, he answered that it was none of my concern.  I have been relentlessly looking for work but to no avail.  To keep myself busy, I started this blog.  I feel like my mind is stagnating which is awful. I am a fairly intelligent person and I despise not feeling productive.
     I do not want to not stay at home with my son though.  Daycare runs 1200-1700 dollars a month here, so I can only work second or third shift because I cannot afford daycare plus rent. I know  this because I tried it for a year.

    When I look back on my old goals, I know me being a Doctor honestly would never have happened.  I really don't like telling people bad news, nor hurting people.  When I was a CNA, I went kind of slowly when bathing people and dressing them because I didn't want to somehow cause discomfort.  Also, I don't have the skills to be brutally honest like Doctors have to be.  If I had patients who were not taking care of themselves properly it would hurt my heart to see them constantly make bad decisions.

     As for writing, I am still hoping that takes off. I am only 35, going on 36. There is plenty of time to become a writer. I actually really hope that in some small way this blogging hobby will lead to some time of writing career, even if only articles.  I really want to get published and I no longer care about the medium.  My Uncle was a sports writer for newspapers for years and he was really good at it.

     I actually regret one thing, not getting my Radiology degree. I simply don't have the money right now. No seriously, I have $40.00 in the bank.  I want to finish up that degree so I can help people which is what I love doing.

     As for not working, I don't have any major regrets. Within two weeks of staying home with my son, he started crawling at 15 months. At 20 months, he started walking. Because of the research and hard work, and help from his Physical Therapist, and Early Intervention, I have seen him grow. I have been able to help him.  He is my greatest accomplishment, and I might not ever have another child. Not for lack of trying, I have had two miscarriages.In 15 years of marriage, without being on birth control, I only had one successful pregnancy.  I think the law of averages might be working against me.  I know I will return to the business world one day, but for now, in my heart, I know I am doing the best work I could be doing.